Saturday, June 30, 2012

veritas diaboli manet in aeternum

quoth the madman

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically.
We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly.
We grow partially.
We are relative.
We are mature in one realm, childish in another.
The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present.
We are made up of layers, cells... constellations."
~Anais Nin

Thursday, June 28, 2012

quoth the madman

"You and I ought not to die before we have explained ourselves to each other."
~John Adams, Letter to Thomas Jefferson [November 13, 1815]

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

automatic writing

Sometimes things don't work out the way you planned:
"I tried to win my Mothers love that my brother owned."

Sometimes words don't say the things you mean:"I have always been here for you, after Dad died, even when my brother wasn't,,, and then with your next husband that banished me from seeing you when he was alive. And the next. and the next."

Sometimes you can't explain the way you feel:
"No, no, I totally understand. I really do..."

Sometimes when we smile we tell the same lie:
As long as you love my Mom, you are my family...

With a whisper - everything you know
Is torn away and life just stops:

"Wanted you to know, your Brother is dead.... he committed suicide...."

With a whisper - everything you are
Just falls apart and dies:

(7 years later) "Your Brother is dead.... he committed suicide... He made us tell you he was dead all those years and we had to do it, you know how influential he was... he hated.... you..."

And all those things that you meant to change

Are thoughts lost on the way to this:
"Was I the Toreador or the Bull?

And all those sorrys you never said
Are words lost on the wind:

"I'm sorry... about ... our... son."

Did you ever wonder about the end?

"Many times, many dreams, many many many many many dreams."

Did you ever you wish that I was still there?
"Every moment of every day..."

Did you ever call my name by mistake?
" is... anathema."

Did you ever cry yourself to sleep?
"I read ghost stories so I don't... there are happier.... endings..."

Slowly, slowly - we lose the love that binds us:

"We would love to have you but we are going on a world cruise!"

Slowly, slowly - we lose the care that holds us:
"I think maybe we can plan something next Spring... I would love to see you..."

Slowly, slowly - we lose the time that shares us:
"She has had a head injury, she may not know who you are at first..."
" Mom it's me. I love you so much."
"Bruce? Have you been taking care of the dogs? They are my babies....."

Slowly, slowly - we lose the heart to save us:
"Hey it's your Sister... guess what? Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!"

Sometimes things are not the way they seem:

"Why weren't you at the funeral sister?"

Sometimes friends are not the friends they seem:
"You weren't who I thought you were.. Brickenstein"

Sometimes time is not the cure it seems:
"No one from my family has called me since the funeral."


Monday, June 11, 2012

quoth the madman

“I, too, drift in it down bloodstream, younger still than your eye. Now you are young as a bird dropped dead in March snow— You are light: you will sleep through my spring ‘till it’s over. I am lighter: in front of strangers I sing.”

Saturday, June 9, 2012

quoth the madman

“We exist with a wind whispering inside and our moon flexing. Amid the ducts, inside the basilica of bones. ” ~Jack Gilbert

sharkys night