Monday, November 30, 2009

winning haiku

Sometimes I'm suprised
by the games that people play.
It's my turn, "Game Over..."

poe boy



Dreamland

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have reached these lands but newly
From an ultimate dim Thule-
From a wild clime that lieth, sublime,
Out of Space- out of Time.

Bottomless vales and boundless floods,
And chasms, and caves, and Titan woods,
With forms that no man can discover
For the tears that drip all over;
Mountains toppling evermore
Into seas without a shore;
Seas that restlessly aspire,
Surging, unto skies of fire;
Lakes that endlessly outspread
Their lone waters- lone and dead,-
Their still waters- still and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily.

By the lakes that thus outspread
Their lone waters, lone and dead,-
Their sad waters, sad and chilly
With the snows of the lolling lily,-
By the mountains- near the river
Murmuring lowly, murmuring ever,-
By the grey woods,- by the swamp
Where the toad and the newt encamp-
By the dismal tarns and pools
Where dwell the Ghouls,-
By each spot the most unholy-
In each nook most melancholy-
There the traveller meets aghast
Sheeted Memories of the Past-
Shrouded forms that start and sigh
As they pass the wanderer by-
White-robed forms of friends long given,
In agony, to the Earth- and Heaven.

For the heart whose woes are legion
'Tis a peaceful, soothing region-
For the spirit that walks in shadow
'Tis- oh, 'tis an Eldorado!
But the traveller, travelling through it,
May not- dare not openly view it!
Never its mysteries are exposed
To the weak human eye unclosed;
So wills its King, who hath forbid
The uplifting of the fringed lid;
And thus the sad Soul that here passes
Beholds it but through darkened glasses.

By a route obscure and lonely,
Haunted by ill angels only,
Where an Eidolon, named NIGHT,
On a black throne reigns upright,
I have wandered home but newly
From this ultimate dim Thule.

-Poe

tis the season


overheard on ursulines street

Girl: "I am so glad we are back in touch! I have missed you so much, it's been years... Now we can all be a family again, just in time for Christmas!"
Guy: "Really? What makes you think that after all these years that I would want to just pick up like nothing ever happened?"
Girl: "Because we're your famly, hello?"
Guy: "My family? I have my own family thank you."
Girl: "Having all the gay friends in the world can't replace your real family."
Guy: "What makes you think I only have gay friends?"
Girl: "Well you guys always stick together."
Guy: "Yeah like a family."
Girl: "Whatever."
Guy: "And no one has mentioned the 800 pound gorilla in the room, I feel like I was betrayed..."
Girl: "You have a chip on your shoulder, you just need to get over it."
Guy: "I will 'get over it' when the last shovelful of dirt covers the last of your graves."
(end scene)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

poe boy

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
-Poe

truer words

"Not every little boy dreams of being a Marine."

toll house haiku

Demons possess me
Tormenting my soul, Im weak
Need more cookie dough...

one night stand haiku

I love you so much,
You mean all the world to me!
(What's your name again?)

shoes haiku

McQueen stilletos-
they're high enough to kill, yet
I wear them to dust.

visage haiku

I see my image-
The mirror is so lucky
that I don't linger.

emo wisdom

"Marrying a woman for sex is like buying a tiger for transportation."

Saturday, November 28, 2009

overheard on toulouse street

Guy in steam room: "Once, I was on a school field trip, and it started to rain. and when the rain stopped there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. It made me think of tiny leprechauns with luscious red beards dancing naked in a circle around a pot of gold. I got carried away and didn't notice my erection. unfortunately for me I was wearing sweatpants that day.
Everyone saw my boner and made fun of me. That night I slit my wrists and used the blood to masturbate. But those leprechauns were fucking hot."

Friday, November 27, 2009

fae haiku

Don't fuck with fairies
They bite, spit and scream when you
stick them with a fork.

vice haiku

Don't do drugs, they can
only bring you bad things like
fun, orgies, and friends.

huh haiku

Unfortunately
Sea Horses don't have any
underwater hay

mac jesus haiku

One the eighth day
God made McDonalds. Jesus
said, "I'm lovin' it!"

psychoanalysis haiku

To be Jung once more
could that make me less a Freud ?
(back on the couch please)

beefcake from beyond the grave

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Nov 26 1976

Sex Pistols single Anarchy in the UK released. The song later appeared on Never Mind the Bollocks. Sadly, it has yet to be equalled.

Thanksgiving haiku

My Thanksgiving wish
for my family and friends
is only this: Get stuffed.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

new moon haiku

Since we're now portrayed
as mere sullen teenagers
our secret is safe

hollywood smile haiku

Hate his phoney smile?
Well thats nothing that pliers
and duct tape can't fix.

overheard on bourbon street

Bro at urinal: "Dude, I fucked her two nights ago and she keeps calling me. Fuck that bitch, I can get so much better pussy."
Bro at sink: "I love motion sensor dispensers...it makes me feel like I have The Force."
Bro at urinal: "Anyway, shes a total tramp- for real"
Bro at sink: "You mean she's like, a hobo?"
Bro at urinal: "What?"

overheard on bourbon street

Well-dressed young girl: "I'll have a cosmopolitan."
Bartender: "We don't serve cosmos here."
Well-dressed young girl: "Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic."
Bartender: "We've got two types of beer. Light and dark."
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: "Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo."
Well-dressed young girl: "Um, is this light beer lite beer? I don't want a beer belly- no offence."
Bartender: "Um, none taken."

overheard at cafe dumonde

Middle Aged Priest to friend: I just got this new bike seat but I have to return it. I was riding around on it yesterday and when I woke up this morning, I felt like I'd been gang-banged by the Pittsburgh Steelers.
(woman at next table chokes on coffee)

overheard on magazine street

Child: "What's in there?" (points to dad's briefcase)
Dad: "In here? Guns, people's heads..."
Child: "Cool!"

overheard on bourbon street

Hipster dude: "Yeah, since that first movie the name 'Edward' is now suddenly sexy..."
Other hipster dude: "Can't say the same thing for the name 'Bruno' anymore huh?"

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

funny bones

aloha haiku

Princess Poo-Pooly
Eats plenty of papaya
then poops like a goose

Monday, November 23, 2009

descending

"The most beautiful of all the fallen angels wore his years like a wreath of dark flowers...."

Apollonia 6 haiku

I'm a sex shooter
and I'm shootin love in your
direction. Whoa Ooh Oh.

from the house of silence

your Bouguereau moment


Sunday, November 22, 2009

propaganda haiku

The name of the book
'bout my Mom's 10 husbands is
"Triumph of the Will"

II Kings 2:23-24

From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. "Go on up, you baldhead!" they said. "Go on up, you baldhead!"
He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. (NIV)

Exodus, 33:20-23

And he said, Thou canst not see my face: for there shall no man see me, and live.
And the LORD said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock:
And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:
And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.
(so, God just mooned Moses)

Malachi: 2:1-9

And now, O ye priests, this commandment is for you.
If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart.
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
(i.e. Worship God, or he'll smear poo on your face)

fame haiku

Michael, Marilyn
and Elvis sadly became
just caricatures.